Xmas Photos

As promised here are a few photos of myself and my husband during the eve before the eve and xmas eve.  I really do hope you guys stuck to your end of the deal and made your evenings special.

My husband tending to the turkey with his xmas hat on.

My turn with the turkey!

The ones with the negligee on you will just have to believe that we had the egg nog and the mince pies.  We had so much fun we laughed ate and drank.

Hope you all had a fab xmas.  Ill be back in the new year.

x

Xmas and Romance

Xmas is the time of year when we women are rushing around, trying our best to do the best xmas ever.  We want the table to be dressed well, we want to make sure the family are well cared for in the presents department.  We also want to make sure we get our partner something a bit more special than last year.

Ladies lets not leave out the romance in xmas.  With all the rushing around you may forget all the little extra or special things you need to do for him to feel that extra bit more special. We know we do these things more than once a year, more than just at xmas, but at xmas its all about romance as well as the presents.  So what are you going to do this year to make him and yourself feel a bit more special.  As you know the more you do for him the more you get back in return as he feels loved.  Here a few tips of things you can do for him or for you both these things will be within everyones budget I hope.  Also if you have never done any of this try and do this, it may sound silly some of it, but you can have fun doing it.

Buy 2 silly xmas aprons, one for you and one for him

The eve before xmas eve,  All the shopping should all be done by now and you may be preparing the turkey..... Try preparing the turkey together, whilst your both doing, this play some xmas music whilst drinking some xmas wine.  Do a really silly dance just to get him in the mood as he may not want to get involved make him laugh.  (Be different)

Xmas Eve

mmmm Mince pie time. In the evening after a nice relaxing bath with all the nice scented oils Serve your husband/partner with his xmas mince pies with loads of cream on it a nice glass of eggnog.  Make sure this is a quiet time when kids are away in bed. Again xmas music in the background. Put on your new xmas negligee and feed each other mince pies, try doing this with xmas hats on. (it must be fun as well as romantic)  So simple and basic, yet these things can make the world of difference to him.  Make him feel special, so he can make you feel special back.

I will be doing these things, I will even take photos of us and stick them on here for all to see, that will be fun!!  I would love to see your photos too.  Email them to me if you want to see them on here.  awalters@awalterskitone.co.uk

You may want to try out a new recipe for the family too.

Thank You

Hi Guys, just a quick thank you to all those who have purchased my book today.  My book is about my past life, if you have not already purchased it, the link is on the right hand side. Happy reading.

Are you the other Woman?

Are you the other woman and if so Why?  What makes us women fall for men who are already taken?  Do we think that little of ourselves or do we believe him when he says, he is not happy with her at home, and you are the one for him and that he will be leaving the other woman soon?  Do you really believe this?

I believe if you are single then you are better off staying single until the right person comes along.  We must not sell ourselves short.  I understand that you may have met someone then found out that he is with someone else. If you found out a long while after then it may not be so easy to just get up and walk away but you have to find that strength and go.  If he has been seeing you both for such a long time, then he really has no intentions of making you his woman.  if you found out a few months after getting together then it would be a lot easier to leave this person rather than staying in that dead end relationship.  This kind of man is not a faithful man.  Especially as he is playing you with his other partner.  I believe if a man is already with someone, then meets someone new and falls in love with the new woman, then this man has to be serious with the partner he is originally with.  He cant say he has fallen in love with this new woman then have them both.  For him to fall in love with you "the other woman", either he no longer loves her indoors or he is lying to you!  Just remember he is a liar, after all he is lying to his woman indoors, Im sure he hasn't told her about you.

He has to make a choice, but when women decide to stay with the cheating man hoping and waiting for him to leave the main woman, we just give him his cake to eat.  Then we go around complaining that men are cheats and they are useless.  Sometimes we make them the way they are. If you accept to stay with that man who has another woman, then it makes you the one in the wrong also.  He wont leave her for you, and if he does will you really trust him. He will do the same thing to you, he will cheat on you too and you will have another woman in your relationship in the future.

If he did leave his woman for you, Im not sure how you could sleep at night knowing that you have the man that was with another woman.  I know that I would be panicking, "is he seeing someone else" You become insecure, you become paranoid.  if you do become the main woman.  I don't believe that you will trust him or even could. This is how women get low self esteem.  Some of these things we give to ourselves.  You then start to believe that you may as well be with him, even if he has got another woman because you wont find anyone anyway. Thats how you build up the low self esteem.

You get to a point where you want someone for yourself, well how are you going to find anyone with someone else's man in your life?   You may as well be on your own, being single is not a crime. There are so many good men out there, single good men.  This man will keep you there being his other woman for years if you let him.  I know of a woman who has been the other woman for 7 years now.  Its not fair on the other woman.  We as women must take other woman's feeling into consideration. Would you like to have a man, fall in love set up a life with him then to find out that he is seeing someone else.  There is such a thing as Karma, and this could happen to you.  It is a selfish thing to do.

The man very rarely leaves his woman for the other woman, and if he does I don't believe that relationship will be a strong one.

Now on the other hand if there is another reason for the man to be seeing someone else, ie: he is no longer in love with her indoors, she has been seeing someone else, or any other valid reason, I believe that man still needs to end his relationship with the main woman first before he goes pursuing another woman.

Just don't be that other woman, its not worth it.  Most of what he tells you will be lies.  There is a link at the end of this for anyone who wants help in finding and keeping the right person.

Find someone for you and make it be the right person.

Long Distance Relationships can they work?

I personally believe long distance relationship can work, with a lot of hard work and trust.  When I say long distance I am talking about from one country to another.  If you know that you are both committed to each other and you are planning for a future together, then you are on the right track.  Let me explain a bit more about what I am talking about.  If you meet someone and you are having a relationship together wether you meet in the same country or online, where ever.  If you both decide that, that is what you both want then it can work.  If you are both committed to traveling to see each other in opposite countries and you do it, then it can work.  What you will find is that over time one of you will make the right decision as to who is moving where, as one of you have to move somewhere for you both to continue your lives together.  Don't think for one moment that one of you wont be moving.

Long distance relationships can work just remember one of you will be moving eventually.  If you think you can have this relationship just on cam, over the phone, email, texting etc, then you are wrong.  One of you will be moving if you want to be together.  If you see that neither one of you are going to make that move, then this is when naturally the relationship is not going to work.  Again, this will take time.  If it happens within the first year then great, if not don't worry, it doesn't mean it wont happen. Some things take longer with some people, due to commitments.  Ie: education,  family work. As long as you make it your priority to travel every now and then to see each other.

If you find someone who you get on with and they live hundreds and thousands of miles away from you, there is no harm is starting your life together in another country.  Who said the love of your life is in the country you live in?  Its a big wide world out there for any successful relationship.

Relationships can work anywhere for anyone, as long as you want it and you work at it. Just remember anything in life worth having does not come easy.

Work on your relationship together.

So Your having a baby

Having a baby is a great thing in a relationship. Having a baby is joyous.  I would love to talk about having a fantastic experience being pregnant and with the partner, but unfortunately, I have not had that experience as I was a single mother.  What I do know is being alone and pregnant is one of the worse feelings ever.  Im not going to focus on being alone and pregnant, what I am going to do is talk about how great it is to have someone whilst you are pregnant, and how wonderful it is to have someone feel when your baby is moving around inside of you, going along to those scans and seeing your baby for the first time together.  I know how wonderful that must be as I imagined those things for years.

Another thing about being pregnant and having a baby, is all the things you are about to learn about babies, all the new things the old things.  Things from what your own parents told you.  There are some things we learn by default, some things we don't have any idea about.  Being pregnant and having babies is a very emotional thing.  We need to have as much support as we possibly can from our loved ones especially.  Our hormones will be all over the place we will even get our partner upset with us at times. He will not always be as understanding as you need him to be, as he is not aware of all the changes going on inside.

Going into labour is another experience all together.  We go to all the antenatal classes with all the advice on what to do, the next thing you know you are out of control once you do go into labour.  when the baby is born, raising the baby into a child and then an adult is another story.

Being pregnant I believe we must enjoy it with our partner, we need to cherish every moment we can.  Get all the attention possible and be spoilt by him as much as possible.  I was very young when I had my children but I do know how great it feels to be spoilt by anyone, so to be spoilt by your partner/husband whilst you are pregnant would be fantastic.

Enjoy every moment of it. Put your feet up rest, be nice to your partner so he can be as understanding as you need him to be so you can get spoilt more. Let him enjoy those moments with you too.  I know it can be hard at times as we feel upset and emotional during our pregnancy at times, but allow him to be as supportive as he wants to be and as supportive as he can be.  Let him take over with many things, enjoy your pregnancy you deserve to.

Relationships and Debt

This is the time of year when things can get nasty for some relationships. One its xmas season and two this crunch! I would just like to say, if you find yourself getting really irrate with your partner at this time of year, try not to stress too much. You wont be the only one with financial problems.

Relationships shouldn't be spoiled due to the lack of funds. Just dont expect too much from each other at this time of year. if you are flushed with the cash then its great for you, you can enjoy your xmas without the money worries. Women dont get distressed at him if he cant afford to do the things for you that he usually does, or that you expect him to do, especially if you know that money is tight. There are so many things you can buy each other on a budget. As long as all your xmases are not lacking thats the main thing. If all your xmases are lacking then you need to ask yourself a few questions about your relationship. No one should have bad years every year!

If you know that things have been tight for a while then you should not expect an over lavish xmas. Dont stress yourself and your partner out. Just take it easy this time and enjoy each other instead. Have a differant xmas this year. One where you focus on just the two of you. Or should I say where you focus more on the two of you. Plan for next year xmas to be a better one. If you have debt now because of the crunch, the last thing you need to do now, is put yourself in more debt just for a few days event! If you go over the top and top up the debt on those cards, you and your partner will have more to argue about in january when those bills come rolling in.

So if I was you I would enjoy your one another then when xmas is all over you can look back, see how much money you saved and how much fun you both had with each other. no arguing over extra bills either.

If you are having finanacial problems please read this.

Release yourself from debt

After the Storm the Calm

Its so great to see when relationships become good, after going through many years or long periods of bad times. I believe you have to want it to work for it to work. Although there are people out there who are in long term relationships and have made it work by going through all the crazy things together, accepting a lot of negative things about one another, or ignoring the negative things about one another. Firstly I will say this does not account for all relationships. I am speaking about a few relationships I have watched over the years.

There is one particular relationship I know of, where both parties were not very nice to each other. It made me wonder why they were still together. I must say now that it is a great thing to see now that after 10 years of being together and most of the relationship being negative, that they have finally worked things out. I will take some of the credit here, with my advice over the years and watching them put my advice into action. They are now very loving towards one another. They holiday together they wine and dine each other, they really do appreciate one another, it is a great thing to see its even better hearing about how they now feel for one another. Their relationship had to do a complete turnaround, they have found the respect they should have had in the beginning, for each other. They love each other and show it.

With the correct advice taking the criticism, learning to accept where you have gone wrong. Learning not to pass the blame, they have had to look deeply within themselves to get to where they are now. So all of you out there who are finding things difficult with your partners, it is possible to change the way things are, especially if you both want to be with one another.

Be patient look into your selves and ask yourselves these questions.

Do you still want to be with your partner?

Do you love him?

Could you fancy him again?

Do you think he loves you?

Amongst other questions. Ask yourself those first, if you can answer yes to just those questions, then there is hope for you. Just hang in there. If you would like like to hear more about this, leave your details to receive more in depth information.

Single Women online Dating

I am happily married, but I havnt always been. I have had some awful experiences with relationships in the past, like most people. The only problem is I was one of those women who didnt learn by her mistakes. I kept making the same mistakes over and over again and wondering why I was always a singleton. So believe me I know what its like to be single. The reason Im speaking about this is because, its all been a bit quiet here with me lately as I have been in the process of setting up another blog. This one focuses more on single people.

My blog dedicates its self to Online dating, its a very niche market, but it works. I have created a link for anyone who would like to take a look at that site, for any single friends. I believe the two sites can work hand in hand with one another.

I remember being single, its not always as bad as some people make it out to be. I suppose it depends on what you are looking for. Some people have got to be in a relationship, whilst others are just glad for the attention, without the commitment.

I wont go on about it too much,. Tomorrow I will be focusing on relationships.

Katie price and Peter andre

I have been reading so many things about Peter and Katie. Everyday there is something in the papers about them. I think there is so much to learn about their relationship. I believe they went into the public lime light far too early. They didn't give themselves enough time to get to know one another to go out into the public like that. We need to be careful how we expose our new relationships within the public, including friends and family. Lets get to know one another first. The strain can become too much. Look what it did to these two.

What do you think?

Trust

Trust is a very big issue in any relationship. It doesn't grow over night. Trust takes a long time to build in any relationship. One thing I have learned over the years is that if you loose trust with someone it will be very hard to gain it back if ever.

It is also a very difficult thing to be with someone who you don't trust. This is why we must be very careful in the things we do within our relationships. There is no point in telling lies which are going to have a dramatic affect on your relationship. For example, you decide to go behind your partners back and have a date with someone else. Now you are innocent in the sense that you have no intentions of being physically unfaithful. Although you have not been unfaithful you have lied to your partner about who you are going out with. There must have been some reason for you to lie. Maybe its an ex partner or someone your partner doesn't like. Whatever the reason for your lie, you lied. This is a risk that you take, as you may want that freedom for a while to go on this totally innocent date with a friend.

Further down the line your partner finds out about your date, he gets upset about it and you both start arguing. This is where the trust starts to fade a bit. You see we chip away at our own relationships then wonder why or what is going on? Our partner no longer trusts us, he starts to asks all kinds of questions when you are going out. That also creates more problems more arguments.

Relationships are not easy at all. Long term ones are the hardest, as you have had to go along way to get to where you are. The trust issue is very very important. With out trust you have a weak relationship and not a lot of physical or mental freedom.

My solution to this, is to be as honest as possible. I would go out with someone my husband didn't want me to go out with If I really wanted to. I would sit him down and explain why and who. I don't believe we should be controlled in any relationship. We should be able to be as free as is necessary. Yes if you know you are being unfaithful then its wrong to argue with your partner about going out with "friends". His reaction would let me know if it is really worth the risk in the relationship. Its better to be honest. I know at times its not easy, I'm no saint. We all tell the little white lies every so often ie: "Nice shoes, how much were they?" "Darling these are old, Ive had them for ages, just not worn them for a while."

Trust and honesty very important, but not easy.

Wedding Anniversary

I believe that I have a great relationship with my husband. We all go through those moments when we think, man this is hard. I also believe that as long as you don't have those moments too often then you are on the right track. My moment happened a couple of weeks ago. It didn't last long, now I'm on the right track again. I think if we said those moments didn't ever happen, we would be lying.

My husband has whisked me away to a beautiful spa hotel. I'm loving it. Its our wedding anniversary and I wasn't sure what was in store as we were both busy working. Well first off in the office I get a knock on the door. I go to open it and my husband is standing there with a big bunch of flowers. He walks off, comes back to my office 2 hours later and tells me I have to finish now. He said he has closed his office and we need to go. I asked him where we were going he said I would have to wait and see. Well the long and short of it all is, a beautiful spa hotel. I have been in the suana steam room and swimming my happy little heart out. We are staying in a gorgeous manor house. When I get back i will upload some photos for you all to see.

Relationships are fab. I have also just done a ebook on relationships. its called

Good and Bad Relationships. Have a read and let me know what you think.

Communication

We must communicate with our partners for them to understand us and for us to understand them. If there is something which is playing on your mind and you don't talk to him about it, then believe me it will come out in other ways. Eventually what you are holding in your mind will come out in your actions. If you believe deep down your partner is being unfair to you in any way at all you must let him know.

The thing is, if you believe that he is being unfair and you don't communicate it to him you will become stand offish towards him. You may even start to treat him negatively without him understanding why. You may not even understand why you are treating him the way you are yourself. If you keep things inside, it has a very funny way of showing up in all types of different forms. You may think that you have forgotten about it, but your actions are saying something completely different. Let me give you an example.

Your husband starts to receive phone calls from someone you don't know. He hasn't explained to you who that person is or what that phone call was about. Now his phone call and conversation could be very innocent, but you start to build a picture into your mind of what the conversation could have been about. You now decide not to speak to him about it, but its killing you inside. Now you have built up this un-trusting nature towards him. You decide to meet new people and have your own secret phone calls. You even start going out on dates with other men, as you believe your partner is hiding things from you. This is where all the un-trusting starts. He asks you where you are going, you tell him you are going out with "Pauline" He believes you but you have just told him a lie. Did he really deserve that? Why didn't you communicate with him to find out what that or those calls were about. So now your actions are all to do with getting your own back on him for something he may not have done. Thats just one example there are many more.

We need to communicate all things which bother us, regardless of the outcome. Other wise resentment come out of a once beautiful relationship.

Read more on communicating with him here.

What is Love?

You and your man are happy. What a great feeling. Your both happy and in love. You still get excited when you see each other, even after so many years. He still makes you go weak at the knees. You both have romantic meals together. You holiday together, you have great conversations. You dance together at home and out. You do so much together. You still buy each other gifts, and leave love notes around the place from time to time.

You wake up in the morning you look at each other and there is love in your eyes and his. You kiss each other goodbye, you kiss each other hello. You think about each other throughout the day. You text each other, you send the odd cheeky email.

You still have your me time.... you still do the things you love to do with your friends or other family members. Your both happy to do that apart from each other. You miss each other when your apart, but its the kind of missing where you are looking forward to going home to him. He is looking forward to seeing you too.

You argue about something you both get upset. Then you make up and talk about it. You cuddle on the sofa have a glass of wine, you relax and unwind. Your both still in love regardless of the argument. These things happen. When you do argue, you make up and the feeling feels as though you have just met again.

You fancy each other like mad. You cant get enough of each other.

Who truly has this?

Why don't you leave???

When you are deceiving your partner, why do you try and change the script? Why do you make it look like you are innocent and your partner is the one in the wrong?

Let me give you an example:

You are sleeping with/seeing someone else, obviously behind your partners back. Then you do something like, for example, get all dressed up with loads of aftershave on or perfume you get yourself all done up to go out "alone". Your about to step out of the door when your partner has a go at you, an arguement starts. You know you are about to go and do some deceitful. Your partner is not silly, he or she has seen the texts you receive early hours of the morning, you switch your phone off at night! You get those phone calls where your are hardly speaking, just one word answers.

So you got all this going on and now your all dressed up looking good and smelling good. You are on your way out the door and you expect your partner not to say anything to you! What is all that about? Why do people who cheat act like victims at this time? So your partner starts on you, telling you, they know what you are up to. You then play the victim. You call people and tell them how your partner is mad, they are accusing you of all kinds of things. You start to say many negative things about your partner, knowing exactly what you are about to go and do. Your partner is not mad, you are the one who is going out to deceive your partner.

Why do we do this? Do we not know there is such a thing as Karma? If this is what you are doing to another human being don't you think it is best for you to leave and move on? why are you still there?

I believe when it gets to this stage, its time for one of you to move on permanently. The one doing the cheating should leave. Why are you still there? Are things too nice for you at home what is it?

Should we do what we want to do?

Should we do what we want to do, when our partner doesn't agree with it?

This is a difficult one. For me I believe it depends on the outcome. We need to remember we are all individuals. We must be able to still do things which make us happy regardless of the relationship. If you have decided to do something which your partner does not like, first find out why he doesn't like it. You need to really look at the final outcome. Ask yourself these questions:

Will it benefit me or him?

Will I be happy with the final outcome?

Will it help me to achieve my goal?

How long will he be upset for?

Do you believe he will get over it, then accept it and move on?

Is it the best thing for you?

Will it make you truly happy?

Will it help you to move On?

I believe once you have the answers to those questions, then you should be able to make the right decision. There is no point in upsetting others if what you want to do is only a short term fix, to a long term problem.

A small gift.

It really is the little things in life that really count. Sometimes its nice to just come home with a small thank you gift for your loved one. The other day I went out for coffee sat down and started taking some notes. I got an instinct to go out an buy something small for my husband. I went to the card shop and bought a blank card. I went back to the coffee shop and wrote a small message in there for my husband. I started to thank him for all the support he gives me throughout our relationship. My husband was so grateful for the £1.99 card. He felt loved and cared for. It reminded him of what we have together and why we are together.

You see its not always about the grand gestures. Its not about how much it cost. Its really showing your partner how much you care about him, how you think about him. Its these small things that are really the big things in relationships.

That was on Friday today he is still walking around on cloud nine. It will remind him of how special you are. He has been that little bit more attentive towards me. Its funny as I have noticed the extra attention. Its nice.

So ladies tomorrow, go out there and do something small for him. Don't do the usual things. In fact do what I done. Get that card and tell him how grateful you are for him. Just watch how much he appreciates it. We shouldn't always expect to get gifts. We can give too.

Hopefully soon, he will be able to show you how grateful, he is to have you too.

Are you a Surviour of an abusive relationship?

Hi ladies,

I would like your help on this one. I am in the process of writing a book on relationships. I would like to understand women who have been abused physically in their relationships and have come out the other side.

I watched my mother for years put up with a lot of abuse from my father. I would like to explore and find out what got you out of it?

What were your challenges?

Please leave me your name and email address in the box on the right. Once I have received it I will send you a personal message asking you a few questions. It will all be anonymously done. I will not reveal any names. Your names and email addresses will be safe with me.

Thank You.

Lets not abuse him

Some of us women are terrible. We abuse our men with insulting words, then wonder why they treat us the way they do. How do you feel when someone, anyone says something negative to you? We don't feel very nice do we? Well imagine a loved one telling you that your useless!

I have witnessed so many times when women throw insults at their men. They tell them things which are not encouraging, then expect them to wine and dine them after. No No No women, they wont. We have to nurture our men, we have to show them love attention and affection. If they upset us, lets not insult them. Why would you call him a "complete fool, useless, your not a real man, I can find better than you" You women out there know who I'm talking about. If this fits you, then fix up.

A real man needs to feel like a real man. The reason I'm putting this on you women is because, I have witnessed some decent men get abused by you women. I have witnessed sentences like, "Your so unintelligent, maybe you should go back to school", or " you don't stimulate my mind, your conversations bore me". How the hell is that going to get you a decent man or even keep a decent man?

You see the way I do it, When my husband is upset with me, or I'm upset with him. I let it all out and communicate my issue with him, at the same time pointing out his good points. When I was a teenager, I would insult men and put them down, then I would wonder why they acted so distant towards me!

We all need to be reminded of our good points. If you want someone to notice something negative about themselves, make sure you also point out the good in them too.

Advice from friends.

When we have problems within our relationships, we tend to go to our friends with the problem and ask for advice. Its great to have friends and go to them for advice but it doesn't mean we must take the advice all the time. Most of the time our friends will have our best interest at heart, the problem is, they are not in your relationship. We can all have a moan about our relationship and if we moan too much, on the outside, it will appear that we have a very unhappy relationship when this may not really be the case.

Behind close doors we all have much different relationships to what our friends may see. The problem is, if you go to your friends with all your relationship problems, then they may judge it wrong. Not meaning to , but they can only go by what you tell them. Most of the time, we can paint a picture worse than what it is because we are angry at the time. No one sees what really goes on behind those closed doors apart from you and your partner.

I know in the past I must have given some really bad advice in my teenage years as I was very anti men. I believed all men were useless and just out for what they could get. Most of my advice was quite negative. It was very hard for me to see the good in men. So in future when you do go to a friend for advice, look at the state of their relationship first, or see what their views on men are first. No one is perfect, there is going to be ups and downs in all relationships. Just because you have had an argument about money or the children, there is no need for you to go running to a friend with all the information. Don't always go moaning to your friend. You may be really happy with your partner, but with all the moaning and complaining to your Friends it does not come across that way, so the advice could be negative, which will not help your relationship indoors.

Moan at him instead, until you feel better about the situation.

Of course as women we will speak about our relationships. what I am saying is don't share your whole relationship with your friends, its none of their business really. If you do tend to share things with your friends, make sure its the good things too. This way you can attract more goodness into your relationship.

The next blog I will write about how we women at times be-little our men with the words we use.

Taking us for granted

We all tend to take the other for granted at times. Sometimes when we speak about it, we feel as though we are not being heard.

There are some real liberty taking men out there. I have seen them and I have been with them in the past. They expect you to cook everyday, keep a clean home, look after children, wash your clothes theirs and the children. Plus you are still meant to walk around with a smile on your face everyday and not complain about being tired. You also go to work within all that process. For all the things you do, there is no thank you, there is no "oh darling put your feet up, Ill do that today". You know what the worse thing of all this is? We women put up with it then complain to our friends.

Now women, if your man is not disabled, why are you running around like a fool? If you enjoy doing all that, then great but for all you women out there who don't like it and are not sure how to change it, then let me give you a few clues.

Try going away and staying with a family member for a whole night and day. Dont have an argument about it, just do it casually. Let him see how hard you have it. Let him cook his own food and wash up after himself. Do the little subtle things. Dont change the bed for two weeks, see if he notices it. Dont cook for a few days. Tell him your tired. Break the chain, do things out of pattern. Start spending more time with your friends. Do these things slowly bit by bit. Be prepared for an argument or two. You just have to slow down and stop doing so much. If you have never discussed these things with him, then this is not the route for you. This is the route only for those who have not been heard by him. If you have never communicated your feelings about this to him before, then you need to do that first for a while. Dont just jump in there with these tactics.

So what if the house becomes a mess. Yes we know you dont want to live in the mess, guess what? neither does he! You have to slow down so he can see just how much you do. Once he can't take it anymore, then drop it on him. Tell him you need his in put, you want him to do more around the house and stop taking you for granted. This way you can stop taking your own self for granted once he hears what you are saying and he starts to help around the house a bit.

I remember back in the past, to get my point across, I stopped packing and unpacking the dishwasher and stopped changing the bed. My husband is great around the house now. Imagine, we both went to work, done the same hours, but he would expect as I'm the woman to do the cooking. I did it at first then I found myself complaining, so I stopped the cooking. Now my husband cooks most of the time.

Believe me, they will all try it, if you let them. They can only get a way with it, for as long as you allow them. Now when I cook, he enjoys it more.

If we allow them, then they will.

Those Mysterious Phone calls

These are my solutions to the mysterious calls. Please do Remember they are my solutions. You may not agree with them at all. Tomorrow I will be tackling how to get that subtle revenge on your partner when he takes you for granted too much, or he doesn't show you enough attention.

He gets a lot of mysterious phone calls

Why? Why is your man getting mysterious phone calls? Why have you allowed your relationship to become like this? It is so rude for your man/husband/partner, to have phone calls, which you know nothing about. You don’t even know the person he is talking to. He walks out of the room when the phone rings. You should know who he is talking to. Even if it’s a business call you should know about it.

I’m not saying that you shouldn't talk in private. We all do at times. Sometimes when my phone rings, I walk away from my husband as I’m having a girlie chat with one of my sisters or my friends but he always knows who, I am talking to. He just doesn't have to know what the conversation is about all the time. He does the same to me too. We don’t do it often, but it happens. Any one in a relationship that has a partner who has many secret calls, texts etc, then you really need to question your relationship. Why all the secrecy. The only solution to this is you need to ask yourself, “ Do I really want this?”

No one deserves to be in a relationship where there are many many secrets. You are not a doormat. You need to have more respect for yourself. Its obvious there is something going on. Whatever it is, you don’t know about it. How many secrets can you stand? How many years do you want to wonder what is going on? This is your call. Is this what you want for yourself? Is this all you deserve.

Time to confront him about those calls. Get to the bottom of it. You need to let him know how rude it is, for you to both be in the same environment and he gets calls and you have no idea who and why they are calling. He either needs to stop taking the calls, turn the phone off, or stop being so secretive about it all. He needs to let you into his life a bit more.

When confronting him, again you have to coax him like a baby! Maybe you could approach him like this:

“Darling I'm distressed, I’m starting to feel really useless. I know you don’t mean to do the things that you do, but you are affecting me in a really bad way. I believe in my heart that you love me, but then, sometimes I have to question it. Does he really love me? Should I leave and start my life again?”

At this point he may want to jump in with his own words. Don’t allow him. You need to finish what you are saying first. Ask him nicely to allow you to get these things off your chest.

“Darling you get a lot of phone calls, which you take in secret. I don’t know what you are talking about, or who to, for all I know you could have another lover, or you could be planning a get out clause. It makes me feel like rubbish when you leave me there like nothing, whilst you take your calls in private. I have been putting up with it for a long time. At first it didn’t affect me, but its been going on for so long now and I cant take it anymore. I really feel awful about it. I'm not saying you shouldn't have your calls darling, I'm just saying, I think you need to take my feelings into consideration when making these calls, or taking these calls. I should know some of what is going on in your life”

Wait for his reaction, and then you should know how to take it from there. If you can reach a compromise then at least it’s a start. Ask him to turn his phone off at a certain time. Start there.

We are worth more than a cheat!

I have received a few comments regarding, women who go back to men who cheat. The comments all make sense. One woman said that she just wasn't ready to leave the man. Now I can understand that. You do need to be ready, both mentally and emotionally but it has to be done. No one really wants to stay with a cheat. It only destroys your inner soul, it makes you feel worthless and your not. No woman is worthless, its how we are made to feel. If we don't know any better then we will just continue to do the things we are used to doing. Habits, that's what they are and that's all they are. Habits can be changed. As with anything in life we have to want to change.

If a man cheats on you the once and you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I can understand that. Although I'm not too sure how my reaction would be if it happened to me. If you are in a relationship where the man is a continuous cheat then you really need to question your relationship. Why are you still with him? Ask yourself that question and be honest. Is it fear of being alone? Fear of being a single parent? Do you believe that's the best you can do? Do you love him more than you love yourself?

The reason I ask do you love him more than yourself is because many women say they stay because they love him! Yes I can understand love. Is love abusive? no I don't believe it is. It can be but we need to nip it in the bud immediately. No one wants to be in a abusive relationship.

Staying with someone who cheats is a choice its a choice to be abused. That may sound harsh but its the truth. You choose to stay in that relationship, you chose to stay with that partner. The good thing is, you can also choose when to leave. I understand that you need to feel strong within yourself before you can leave. You have to make yourself stronger. No one can do this for you but you. You have to make that decision to move on and move on for good. Find help in other places. Places different from the ones you may have been using in the past. Ie: friends and family. Yes their advice will be good for you as most of them will give you an un bias opinion. Read self help books if you don't already, I believe that's a good place to start. Start somewhere, where you can learn more about who you are. "Act like a woman Think like a man" written by steve Harvey. This is a book which was given as a referral from someone who left a comment. The title says it all!

Stop telling yourself negative things about yourself, its all a lie. The more negative you are about yourself the more you are going to believe it. What do you tell yourself when he cheats? do you say "oh he doesn't love me, I'm not good enough for him, I'm too fat, I'm too ugly" Do you tell yourself things like "I cant raise the children on my own". Think about those things that you say to yourself. The things we tell ourselves, make us behave in that way. If you were to tell yourself, "I'm far too good for this, I'm worth more than this, I know there is better out there for me, a real caring loving man would be happy to have me and my children" If you told yourself the latter, you would act as you think.

We must be careful how we speak to ourselves. We are worth more than a cheat!

Cheats

This is just something random. I may do this from time to time. I want you guys out there to help me. I really would love to get into the minds of others. I am very interested in knowing the truth to this question.

Why do women take men back who have been unfaithful to them?

Now I'm not knocking anyone. As you know from reading my blog, this is my first long term relationship. I am not experienced in being with men who cheat then having them back. When I was around 19 years old, I got caught up in something like that. That's another story. I didn't like the rejection, so I would have taken him back. For how long I'm not sure, as in my heart I knew, I could not be second best.

So I would love to hear your views on why women take back men who cheat and of course visa versa. Why do men take back cheating women? Like I said I am not being judgmental about it. I would like to understand it more. If someone came to me for advice about it, my ultimate advice would be to leave him! Would I be right in advising someone that way. Who am I to say leave him? Would I?

Let me know.

He Never compliments You!

I do hope you found my other solution to, he never takes you out, useful. Like I said and I will keep saying these are my solutions. I do believe if you put some of them into action they will work. What have you got to lose? Unless of course you have reached the end of the road and its time for you both to move away from the relationship. If you are not happy and you have been unhappy for a long time. Is it worth it??

My solution to He never compliments you.

Take a look In the mirror, how do you look? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you as beautiful as the day he met you, or have you gained a few pounds. When he met you, did you wear make up, did you go to the hair dressers on a regular basis. When he met you did you find time to do your nails? You would be surprised at the things which we take for granted. The things we think he would be OK with but he is not.

My husband doesn’t allow me to get away with a thing. If my nails need to be redone, he will say, “darling you need to go and do your nails” He says the same about my hair. Even if he sees that I'm putting on a bit of weight, he will mention it. I don’t take it as an insult. He has taken the time to notice that there is something, about me that needs fixing! I'm very lucky to have a husband who takes notice of every part of me.

Don’t get me wrong, we all have our off days and cant be bothered to go over the top with ourselves everyday. Some of you it’s the norm. You don’t take care of yourselves anymore. You let yourselves go. Then you wonder why he has roaming eyes, when you are out in public together!

You don’t look as beautiful, as you did when he first met you. Maybe he used to tell you that you needed to do things to yourself to better your appearance. Instead of taking heed, you took it as an insult and gave him what for. You see, if our men are being honest with us, yes it can hurt, but it can also help. He says to you, “Darling your getting a bit fat” You say. “ what how can you tell me that, that’s not a very nice thing to say to me. Now you have given me a complex, that’s not the sort of thing you tell your woman”. How can he be honest with you if your going to scream at him for being honest? Why not look at yourself and say, you know what, he may be right, my clothes are a bit on the tight side. Just loose a few pounds. I'm not saying, turn into a robot for him. If he is being nasty to you that’s a completely different issue altogether. How often do you compliment him. Do you take notice when he goes to the barbers for example. Do you compliment him when he buys a new outfit and puts it on, or do you just look and lift your eyebrows. Complimenting is all part of a healthy relationship. There are some things which we can not just take for granted. We cant just think, Oh I don’t need to compliment him, he knows he looks nice.

Maybe he has let himself go, therefore you don’t compliment him because you cant. The same rules apply tell him neatly, to fix up!

He Never Takes You Out.

As I said I would give you a few solutions to these bad relationships. Remember they are only my solutions. You may agree or not. I would love to hear your comments.

Solution to He never takes you out: Remember its my solutions.

He never takes you out,

Why do you think he never takes you out? First look at how long you have been in the relationship. Go back to the first times. Ask yourself, did he ever take you out on dates. If your answer to that question is no, then you now know why, he never takes you out on dates. You change this. Firstly, communicate with him. Talk to him and ask him why he never takes you out. Don’t turn it into an argument, as this is just the first stage of you getting what you want.

Don’t bring it up when he is in a bad mood. Wait until the children are in bed, or your both relaxing. Then ask the question in the nicest possible way you know how. You could ask him like this:

“Babe, can I ask you something? I don’t want you to get upset with me, or think that I’m fishing for an argument, as i'm not but why don’t you ever take me out?

Wait for his answer. Nine times out of ten the response will be something like,

“Oh I don’t now”

“What’s brought this on “?

“Who you been talking to”

“Where do you want to go”?

“You know we haven’t go any money”

“Oh here we go”

Once he has answered your question. Leave it there. Now its up to you to take the initiative and get what you want. Life isn’t about sitting down looking pretty, and expecting things to go our way, without any action from ourselves. You want your partner to take you out, and then you are going to have to get him to take you out. No more bitching and moaning get on with it. What’s the old saying, “Do unto others as you would want done unto you” Something like that. You get the gist of it. You need to take him out. You need to take action and plan that night or day out. The ball is in your court. Just because you are a woman, it doesn’t mean you cant wine and dine your man.

You plan that night out. Get the baby sitters if necessary. Book a table somewhere. Make sure its somewhere romantic. Don’t take him somewhere you wouldn’t want him to take you. Prepare this date with your man. Plan it properly. You don’t need to surprise him. Tell him “Darling i'm taking you out”. Tell him what time he needs to be ready, tell him to look sexy, as you are going to treat him.

This is where you are going to have to change the tables. You may even have to tell him a few little white lies, but these white lies, make them feel like men. Then you can get almost anything you want. Here it goes, little while lie number one. “Darling you make me so happy, I know we have had our ups and downs, but I love you and I want us to do special things together. You’re a good man darling and I don’t want to loose you”. This will make him feel like his the best thing since slice bread! Get ready go out for the meal. Use this time to sit and talk about your feelings. Talk about how you first met. Only talk about positive things. This meal, knows no negativity.

Once you have taken him on that date, take him on another, then another. Then you tell him, that is how you would love for him to treat you. Ask him after you have taken him out at least three times, when he is planning on taking you out?

Bad Relationships

There are many signs within our relationship which tells us whether or not we are in a Good or bad relationship. We tend to ignore many of these signs. I have my own view on what these signs look like. I will give you a version of my list and then in the week I will give you a version of my opinions on how to change them if possible! I wont give a solution to all of them, just some.

Please remember, that some people cant be and don't want to change. Maybe you may need to think about changing your surroundings, including the man or the woman!

1. He never takes you out

2. He always hangs out with his friends

3. He gets a lot of mysterious phone calls

4. He never buys you gifts

5. He never compliments you

6. He doesn’t help out with the children

7. He doesn’t tell you how much he loves you

8. You don’t know how much he gets paid

9. You don’t know what he does with his wages each month

10. He doesn’t work and hasn’t for a long time

11. He is not in your bed every night

12. He hasn’t taken you to meet his family

13. You barley make love with each other

14. He expects you to cook for him every night, he has never made you a meal once

15. You don’t do anything in your relationship other than watch TV together sometimes

16. He never encourages you to achieve anything

17. He is always putting you down

18. He doesn’t like any of your friends

19. He never listens to you

20. You argue with each other every day.

21. He doesn’t fancy me, or find me attractive anymore.

22. You no longer make love together, or very far and few.

Remember I will give you my solutions, on how to over come some of them.

Introduction

For all those who were following my blog before, I must apologise for the loss of its contents. I have started a completely new one now. I do hope it did not cause too many disruptions for you.

I will be using this blog to help all of those who wish to have some help in their relationship. I am qualified in life experiences. I have watched and learned for many years. I have seen what I don't want for myself, what I would not put up with and what I believe you should not put up with. Everything I speak about will be my own beliefs and my own opinions. Some of it you will agree with and some you wont. If I were you I would take from all of this what you like. Take from it, what you think will work for you.

We all make very silly mistakes in life. Some of us make mistakes of staying with people we no longer love. We stay in that particular relationship out of habit, or because of the children, maybe its because you have been together for many years and you don't want to think of those past years as a waste of time. I will be covering so many things to do with relationships.

You may ask yourself, who is she what does she know? Well I can tell you I have had to kiss many frogs to find my prince. Many Friends and family members would be in long term relationships and I would be the odd one out. My relationships would not pass the 18months mark. I just wouldn't stand for any nonsense. I would look around at people in their relationships and think, there is no way I would stay in that! Some would fight with their men, some men would be unfaithful and the women too. They would all put up with it. Now to me that's wasting your life. Why stay in rubbish, why stay in something you are not happy with? There is a Mr or Mrs right out there for all of you. I should know I found mine in the end.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years now. Like I said this is the longest relationship I have ever had. Whilst doing my blog, I will refer a lot to my relationship with my husband. I would say my relationship is near perfect. Not quite perfect. Like all relationships regardless of how great it is, we do have our ups and downs too.

Tomorrow, I will start off by giving you a list of the signs which I think make a bad relationship.

I am always open for comments and questions.