We are worth more than a cheat!

I have received a few comments regarding, women who go back to men who cheat. The comments all make sense. One woman said that she just wasn't ready to leave the man. Now I can understand that. You do need to be ready, both mentally and emotionally but it has to be done. No one really wants to stay with a cheat. It only destroys your inner soul, it makes you feel worthless and your not. No woman is worthless, its how we are made to feel. If we don't know any better then we will just continue to do the things we are used to doing. Habits, that's what they are and that's all they are. Habits can be changed. As with anything in life we have to want to change.

If a man cheats on you the once and you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I can understand that. Although I'm not too sure how my reaction would be if it happened to me. If you are in a relationship where the man is a continuous cheat then you really need to question your relationship. Why are you still with him? Ask yourself that question and be honest. Is it fear of being alone? Fear of being a single parent? Do you believe that's the best you can do? Do you love him more than you love yourself?

The reason I ask do you love him more than yourself is because many women say they stay because they love him! Yes I can understand love. Is love abusive? no I don't believe it is. It can be but we need to nip it in the bud immediately. No one wants to be in a abusive relationship.

Staying with someone who cheats is a choice its a choice to be abused. That may sound harsh but its the truth. You choose to stay in that relationship, you chose to stay with that partner. The good thing is, you can also choose when to leave. I understand that you need to feel strong within yourself before you can leave. You have to make yourself stronger. No one can do this for you but you. You have to make that decision to move on and move on for good. Find help in other places. Places different from the ones you may have been using in the past. Ie: friends and family. Yes their advice will be good for you as most of them will give you an un bias opinion. Read self help books if you don't already, I believe that's a good place to start. Start somewhere, where you can learn more about who you are. "Act like a woman Think like a man" written by steve Harvey. This is a book which was given as a referral from someone who left a comment. The title says it all!

Stop telling yourself negative things about yourself, its all a lie. The more negative you are about yourself the more you are going to believe it. What do you tell yourself when he cheats? do you say "oh he doesn't love me, I'm not good enough for him, I'm too fat, I'm too ugly" Do you tell yourself things like "I cant raise the children on my own". Think about those things that you say to yourself. The things we tell ourselves, make us behave in that way. If you were to tell yourself, "I'm far too good for this, I'm worth more than this, I know there is better out there for me, a real caring loving man would be happy to have me and my children" If you told yourself the latter, you would act as you think.

We must be careful how we speak to ourselves. We are worth more than a cheat!

Cheats

This is just something random. I may do this from time to time. I want you guys out there to help me. I really would love to get into the minds of others. I am very interested in knowing the truth to this question.

Why do women take men back who have been unfaithful to them?

Now I'm not knocking anyone. As you know from reading my blog, this is my first long term relationship. I am not experienced in being with men who cheat then having them back. When I was around 19 years old, I got caught up in something like that. That's another story. I didn't like the rejection, so I would have taken him back. For how long I'm not sure, as in my heart I knew, I could not be second best.

So I would love to hear your views on why women take back men who cheat and of course visa versa. Why do men take back cheating women? Like I said I am not being judgmental about it. I would like to understand it more. If someone came to me for advice about it, my ultimate advice would be to leave him! Would I be right in advising someone that way. Who am I to say leave him? Would I?

Let me know.

He Never compliments You!

I do hope you found my other solution to, he never takes you out, useful. Like I said and I will keep saying these are my solutions. I do believe if you put some of them into action they will work. What have you got to lose? Unless of course you have reached the end of the road and its time for you both to move away from the relationship. If you are not happy and you have been unhappy for a long time. Is it worth it??

My solution to He never compliments you.

Take a look In the mirror, how do you look? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you as beautiful as the day he met you, or have you gained a few pounds. When he met you, did you wear make up, did you go to the hair dressers on a regular basis. When he met you did you find time to do your nails? You would be surprised at the things which we take for granted. The things we think he would be OK with but he is not.

My husband doesn’t allow me to get away with a thing. If my nails need to be redone, he will say, “darling you need to go and do your nails” He says the same about my hair. Even if he sees that I'm putting on a bit of weight, he will mention it. I don’t take it as an insult. He has taken the time to notice that there is something, about me that needs fixing! I'm very lucky to have a husband who takes notice of every part of me.

Don’t get me wrong, we all have our off days and cant be bothered to go over the top with ourselves everyday. Some of you it’s the norm. You don’t take care of yourselves anymore. You let yourselves go. Then you wonder why he has roaming eyes, when you are out in public together!

You don’t look as beautiful, as you did when he first met you. Maybe he used to tell you that you needed to do things to yourself to better your appearance. Instead of taking heed, you took it as an insult and gave him what for. You see, if our men are being honest with us, yes it can hurt, but it can also help. He says to you, “Darling your getting a bit fat” You say. “ what how can you tell me that, that’s not a very nice thing to say to me. Now you have given me a complex, that’s not the sort of thing you tell your woman”. How can he be honest with you if your going to scream at him for being honest? Why not look at yourself and say, you know what, he may be right, my clothes are a bit on the tight side. Just loose a few pounds. I'm not saying, turn into a robot for him. If he is being nasty to you that’s a completely different issue altogether. How often do you compliment him. Do you take notice when he goes to the barbers for example. Do you compliment him when he buys a new outfit and puts it on, or do you just look and lift your eyebrows. Complimenting is all part of a healthy relationship. There are some things which we can not just take for granted. We cant just think, Oh I don’t need to compliment him, he knows he looks nice.

Maybe he has let himself go, therefore you don’t compliment him because you cant. The same rules apply tell him neatly, to fix up!

He Never Takes You Out.

As I said I would give you a few solutions to these bad relationships. Remember they are only my solutions. You may agree or not. I would love to hear your comments.

Solution to He never takes you out: Remember its my solutions.

He never takes you out,

Why do you think he never takes you out? First look at how long you have been in the relationship. Go back to the first times. Ask yourself, did he ever take you out on dates. If your answer to that question is no, then you now know why, he never takes you out on dates. You change this. Firstly, communicate with him. Talk to him and ask him why he never takes you out. Don’t turn it into an argument, as this is just the first stage of you getting what you want.

Don’t bring it up when he is in a bad mood. Wait until the children are in bed, or your both relaxing. Then ask the question in the nicest possible way you know how. You could ask him like this:

“Babe, can I ask you something? I don’t want you to get upset with me, or think that I’m fishing for an argument, as i'm not but why don’t you ever take me out?

Wait for his answer. Nine times out of ten the response will be something like,

“Oh I don’t now”

“What’s brought this on “?

“Who you been talking to”

“Where do you want to go”?

“You know we haven’t go any money”

“Oh here we go”

Once he has answered your question. Leave it there. Now its up to you to take the initiative and get what you want. Life isn’t about sitting down looking pretty, and expecting things to go our way, without any action from ourselves. You want your partner to take you out, and then you are going to have to get him to take you out. No more bitching and moaning get on with it. What’s the old saying, “Do unto others as you would want done unto you” Something like that. You get the gist of it. You need to take him out. You need to take action and plan that night or day out. The ball is in your court. Just because you are a woman, it doesn’t mean you cant wine and dine your man.

You plan that night out. Get the baby sitters if necessary. Book a table somewhere. Make sure its somewhere romantic. Don’t take him somewhere you wouldn’t want him to take you. Prepare this date with your man. Plan it properly. You don’t need to surprise him. Tell him “Darling i'm taking you out”. Tell him what time he needs to be ready, tell him to look sexy, as you are going to treat him.

This is where you are going to have to change the tables. You may even have to tell him a few little white lies, but these white lies, make them feel like men. Then you can get almost anything you want. Here it goes, little while lie number one. “Darling you make me so happy, I know we have had our ups and downs, but I love you and I want us to do special things together. You’re a good man darling and I don’t want to loose you”. This will make him feel like his the best thing since slice bread! Get ready go out for the meal. Use this time to sit and talk about your feelings. Talk about how you first met. Only talk about positive things. This meal, knows no negativity.

Once you have taken him on that date, take him on another, then another. Then you tell him, that is how you would love for him to treat you. Ask him after you have taken him out at least three times, when he is planning on taking you out?

Bad Relationships

There are many signs within our relationship which tells us whether or not we are in a Good or bad relationship. We tend to ignore many of these signs. I have my own view on what these signs look like. I will give you a version of my list and then in the week I will give you a version of my opinions on how to change them if possible! I wont give a solution to all of them, just some.

Please remember, that some people cant be and don't want to change. Maybe you may need to think about changing your surroundings, including the man or the woman!

1. He never takes you out

2. He always hangs out with his friends

3. He gets a lot of mysterious phone calls

4. He never buys you gifts

5. He never compliments you

6. He doesn’t help out with the children

7. He doesn’t tell you how much he loves you

8. You don’t know how much he gets paid

9. You don’t know what he does with his wages each month

10. He doesn’t work and hasn’t for a long time

11. He is not in your bed every night

12. He hasn’t taken you to meet his family

13. You barley make love with each other

14. He expects you to cook for him every night, he has never made you a meal once

15. You don’t do anything in your relationship other than watch TV together sometimes

16. He never encourages you to achieve anything

17. He is always putting you down

18. He doesn’t like any of your friends

19. He never listens to you

20. You argue with each other every day.

21. He doesn’t fancy me, or find me attractive anymore.

22. You no longer make love together, or very far and few.

Remember I will give you my solutions, on how to over come some of them.

Introduction

For all those who were following my blog before, I must apologise for the loss of its contents. I have started a completely new one now. I do hope it did not cause too many disruptions for you.

I will be using this blog to help all of those who wish to have some help in their relationship. I am qualified in life experiences. I have watched and learned for many years. I have seen what I don't want for myself, what I would not put up with and what I believe you should not put up with. Everything I speak about will be my own beliefs and my own opinions. Some of it you will agree with and some you wont. If I were you I would take from all of this what you like. Take from it, what you think will work for you.

We all make very silly mistakes in life. Some of us make mistakes of staying with people we no longer love. We stay in that particular relationship out of habit, or because of the children, maybe its because you have been together for many years and you don't want to think of those past years as a waste of time. I will be covering so many things to do with relationships.

You may ask yourself, who is she what does she know? Well I can tell you I have had to kiss many frogs to find my prince. Many Friends and family members would be in long term relationships and I would be the odd one out. My relationships would not pass the 18months mark. I just wouldn't stand for any nonsense. I would look around at people in their relationships and think, there is no way I would stay in that! Some would fight with their men, some men would be unfaithful and the women too. They would all put up with it. Now to me that's wasting your life. Why stay in rubbish, why stay in something you are not happy with? There is a Mr or Mrs right out there for all of you. I should know I found mine in the end.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years now. Like I said this is the longest relationship I have ever had. Whilst doing my blog, I will refer a lot to my relationship with my husband. I would say my relationship is near perfect. Not quite perfect. Like all relationships regardless of how great it is, we do have our ups and downs too.

Tomorrow, I will start off by giving you a list of the signs which I think make a bad relationship.

I am always open for comments and questions.